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Old 12-27-2011, 08:11 AM
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Default I'm Alive

Hey guys. I haven't really posted here the past couple years, but this was once a very important place to me. Please read my latest few blog posts and you'll understand. (theres a link in my signature)

Given1982 and Trikkur, I barely know you two, and you don't know me, but you two had a profound influence on my poker abilities, my personality, and who I am as a person a couple years back. So if you ever read this, thank you both!

I've recently recovered from a decade of depression and addiction and it feels incredible. I just wanted to share that with whoever might come across this.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:54 PM
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Woah! Congrats, I guess. At first I was worried that you're just experiencing the temporary euphoria after coming off the drugs, without realising that it might be a constant battle till the rest of your life... But it looks like you kicked the habit in July, so things are genuinely looking good?

Yes, funny how a person can be genuinely better off if he loses some freedom of choice, isn't it? I have also recently made some personal discoveries to that extent. I have found that what you desire has VERY little to do with what makes you happy in the long run. Any particular feeling of joy is unsustainable, anyway. Just think how wasteful it is biologically to experience joy very often. Time and energy spent experiencing joy is time and energy not being spent to ensure your metabolic integrity. It is supposed to be sparse and short-lived. Most of the time we are supposed to just sort of tick, without experiencing any particularly strong emotions. However, in modern rich society, everything is messed up. Drugs that affect neurophysiology directly, chemically are far from being the only thing that is being abused. Food, leisure, socialising, all the different forms of media... all of these are being repeated over and over just to get that next kick, until people are completely saturated and nothing seems meaningful anymore.

By the way I also used to be very dissatisfied with all the irrationalities of the human mind. I was like, "How can this be?! It just doesn't make sense!" Then the following thought occured to me. Capability for rational thought is only a recent addition to the human mind. As everything is gradual in evolution, it could not just jump into existence and take full control of human behaviour. Its influence could only gradually grow, and grown it has. But already only moderate influence was enough to allow a technological explosion and people going on wondering about how the hell can their behaviour be so silly. As changes in evolution can only be gradual, then in order to reach a situation where capability for rational thought would have full control over human mind, evolution would have to pass a point where rational thought has moderate control over human mind. But already that moderate control is enough to allow a technological explosion and evolution being thrown completely out of whack. So not only does it make sense that our behaviour is largely controlled by some urges that are flat out idiotic... it is actually downright inevitable.

lol, this thought process is probably not interesting to anyone else... But for me, it really makes some kind of profound sense.

LMAO, went on some kind of tangent here. Whatever. Congrats on beating your addiction, stay off, drugs suck.

I, on the other hand, should kick the habit of making pointless rambling posts on random internet forums.
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Old 12-28-2011, 04:48 PM
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It's great to hear from you again. I read your thread on the other forum and I'm really happy you could kick the habit. Once you realized you were hurting yourself, it was only time before you decided enough was enough.

Being as self-aware as you are is a powerful trait to have. I wish you the best of luck in the future and stay strong. I'm always here on PokerTrikz if you need to rant.
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Old 12-29-2011, 02:13 AM
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damn, vantek that was some deeep shit. Seriously my friend, thanks for writing that I found it extremely enlightening.

Thanks to both of you for your responses and all the best!
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Hey yogurt! If you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera?

be cool... read my blug
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:08 PM
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Hey man, let me know how things are going. I hope you are still clean and feeling good about life. It'll be nice to know if you are doing well still.

I didn't have to go through nearly the same shit you did last year, but let's just say it was my worst year EVER (big deal for a 24 year old right?). Regardless, it's definitely put a damper on things for a while. Still I'm feeling good about 2012 and I hope you are too.
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